“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Words of Jesus – Matthew 11:28

Many of us are socialized into believing we need to be strong and independent. Many of us believe we should not need to lean on anyone but ourselves. This false sense of independence leads to a deep spiritual problem. If you feel you are strong and independent then you don’t need God’s strength and you won’t depend on Him.

My spiritual journey has been preciously marked by many miraculous experiences. I believe that God willed for these experiences to change not just my life, but also the lives of those that would be willing to read about them.

In this post I will try my best to share some of them with you in the hope that you will be blessed and inspired to give your life to Jesus.

Let me start with the lessons God gave me around TRUST.

I made it to 40 years of age thinking I am a strong, independent woman. On the outside I looked like I had all the ingredients for a happy life. I had a good husband, healthy children, a good job, a beautiful home, but the ugly truth was I felt unfulfilled and empty because I didn’t have the right relationship with God. I was searching for meaning, purpose and a deep, lasting sense of joy and peace that never seemed possible for me.

I began to search for God and as I began to dedicate myself to praying much to my surprise I kept hearing God speak to my heart. God kept saying two words in my heart and those two words were: “Trust Me”. It wasn’t an order, but moreover a gentle request from Our Lord determined to have a relationship with me.

Every time I approached God in prayer I would hear the words “Trust Me.” Ultimately I began to face a disturbing question “What type of trust did God want? Do I know how to trust?”

As a child I suffered some abuse and I grew up with scars that I didn’t understand. These scars spoke silent words to my heart and those words were “Trust no one but yourself.”

So I figured God knew that I had a bit of a ‘trust issue’ perhaps that’s why He kept saying ‘Trust Me’.  I decided that I would try to learn the Bible and like a driven woman that now had her mind set on learning about God I decided I would try to learn the Scriptures quickly. So along with a Bible I purchased a little guide called “Read the Bible in 365 days”.

I began reading, as quickly as I could and within several weeks I was ahead of  schedule when God spoke to my heart again. This time God asked me a question. He said, “Are you trying to conquer Me?”

OH!!!! I was stunned by the fact that once again I was hearing God’s voice and this time I interpreted He was saying I was once more ‘off track’.  Perhaps I was indeed trying to conquer the text, but in truth I was reading, but not learning.

Then God said quietly, “It’s best if you let Me conquer you.”  It was clear God was saying ‘I will change you and you will be Mine.’

I was once more amazed that I was hearing God’s voice in my heart! Maybe I was crazy I thought, but even if I was I believed that God wanted to teach me His Will and His Way and I also sensed early on in my spiritual journey that I would someday have to share what I learned with others.

At that point I put the “Read the Bible check list” away as I realized God was telling me to slow down and to savor His Word slowly.   Instead of trying to learn the Bible on my own, I enrolled in some classes where I could study the Word of God with others.  I also began reading the works of many saints and was especially drawn to the amazing works of Andrew Murray, my favorite Christian author.

My spiritual journey had begun.  I realized that I had to surrender the reigns of control to Jesus and to TRUST HIM. I knew I could not determine the schedule, the timing, and the way this process of revelation would unfold. I understood I would have to surrender to God and indeed all of this caused me to feel ‘out of control’ and in brand new territory. For the first time in my life I was not leading, I was following.

This was the beginning of trusting in God. God would be in charge; I would try to have a ‘listening heart’ and I would try my best to follow the instructions God provided. Slowly I came to the realization that my need for control stemmed from FEAR OF FAILURE and from a confused sense of identity. Perhaps God didn’t plan for me to be a corporate executive after all. The more I climbed the career ladder, the lonelier I felt. I had achieved my financial goals, but I had not even considered that I had neglected my relationship with God and that this was the source of my pain.

Ultimately I realized I did not have to be a ‘strong, independent woman with all the answers’. That ‘super woman’ persona is created by society to enable most of us to feel inadequate and it also enables most of us to think we only need to rely on ourselves. I have now realized that I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I have been actively training for discipleship for 14 years now, as I have tried to understand and embrace God’s Will in my life.

I figure I am still learning to trust God because sometimes I make a fast decision without praying and those are usually the times I have to say ‘I’m sorry God.’

God has changed my life by extending His hand to me, by forgiving me and by helping me to understand that I didn’t have to carry my cross alone. I emptied myself of many things that stood in the way of my relationship with God and entered into God’s divine embrace as I began to discover a peace that I had never, ever experienced before.

God is strong and wise, but we are all vulnerable creatures in need of God’s grace.  We tend to fail to be wise as we cling to external identities. I remember getting a new job with more money but a job title that sounded inferior to my prior position. At first I thought I don’t like my new job title because it makes me feel less important and less influential. I am a little embarrassed even to write this, but how many of us are foolishly branded by titles that make us feel more or less important when in truth they should have little impact on our sense of self worth.

I gave up my income years ago to try to find a job in the humanitarian sector. What I ended up finding was time alone with God. In that time God taught me many things and I realized my confused sense of identity was a product of many external things that had little to do with who I really wanted to be. Without a job, a title, and an income I discovered SILENCE. The silence was first uncomfortable and even distressing, but ultimately the silence became the medium that would allow for me to commune quietly with God allowing for contemplation and learning.  The silence and time alone with God was the path enabling me to heal, to find my true identity and to discover the simplicity and humility of a life dedicated entirely to God.

I didn’t find peace until I discovered I could depend on God and release my worries to Him. I slowly learned I could depend on my Saviour Jesus to teach me, to guide me, to inspire me and to help me to discover my TRUE IDENTITY which was that I belonged to Him and I existed to help Him to save souls.

Needless to say this discovery took years to uncover. God slowly and carefully taught me to allow myself to be vulnerable and depend on His wisdom, His strength, His love and His mercy.

People can say ‘you can’t take your money with you when you die’ but spend their entire lives accumulating wealth as opposed to accumulating wisdom. As we begin to discover God’s love we begin to find that giving to others produces more joy than accumulating wealth and buying material things. We realize that lives not centered on God are always unfulfilled, but lives focused on giving God glory are always fulfilled.

If I died today, I would now feel ready to go and meet Jesus, my God, because I have repented of my sins and have been trying to please Him for some time now.

“When people’s lives please the LORD, even their enemies are at peace with them.” Proverbs 16:7

I have found peace with God and in that peace God has taught me who I am. I am HIS and He is mine and we are now ONE. I could not be fulfilled when I was 40 years old, because I was confused in thinking God was somewhere up in the sky. I called Him when I was in trouble, but I ignored Him when things were fine. We were not in the right relationship and I was unhappy, searching and anxious.

I went from the illusion of thinking ‘I was in control’, to the distress of knowing ‘I was out of control’, to the peace of understanding ‘GOD IS IN CONTROL.’

Jesus is calling, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

And Jesus explains in the next sentence of this Scripture how He will give us peace:

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:29

The expression ‘take my yoke upon you’ is an expression that creates the image of bridle being put on horse. Without the bridle the horse runs ‘wild and free’ and serves no one, but with the bridle on, the horse can be disciplined, guided, and cared for by its master, serving God and man. We must give Jesus the reigns to our lives and allow Him to steer us in the right direction, at the right speed.

Jesus puts His yoke  upon us as we consent to Jesus being our Master and teacher.  As we consent to listening to Him, following Him and embracing His Holy Will, God dresses us for success with virtues and the gifts of the Holy Spirit and with a profound understanding of His Word.  This foundation gives us the strength to be able to discern what God wills us to do in each circumstance of our life.

I will spend the rest of my life trusting Jesus and learning from Him and doing my best to follow the inspiration of His Holy Spirit. I have given Jesus the reigns to my life and I found what I was looking for — a Joy that is sometimes consummated in pleasure and is sometimes consummated in suffering as I carry my Cross through the grace of God.

I find it difficult in many ways to feel carefree in a world where there is so much violence and unnecessary killing.

At the beginning of my journey as I realized God was reaching out to me I prayed that God would ‘show me His pain’ and God answered me in many ways. (To be discussed in another post some other time). And so I now carry the Cross of grieving the many injustices in the world, like the persecution of Christians, the killing of innocent people, the suffering of the little children and the diabolical deception that makes terrorists think that God is calling them to kill in His Holy Name.  God is love and He wills for us to stop fighting, stop killing and to love one another.

Let us remember to pray for one another every day! Pray especially for people being persecuted and for those that persecute them.  Let’s never forget the Passion of Christ!  Jesus suffered so much so that we could belong to Him and be His forever! Put an alarm in your phone or your calendar to stop at 3pm, in your local time zone, because 3 pm is the time Jesus died on the Cross for us. Let’s join together believers of Jesus at this time to pray for the Holy Spirit to change the world and bring all souls to repentance. We can silence the forces of evil through the power of our united prayers at the Hour of Mercy!

Meanwhile know how much God loves you. Discover your true identity in your relationship with Jesus.

“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine!”  Song of Solomon 6:31

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”  Psalm 147:3