Jesus says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.”  Matthew 5:3

If we were to build a house and seek the opinion of an expert builder, the wise builder would explain that we must first build a good foundation.  The foundation must be strong for it will hold up the entire house.

The house of God is not a building but rather a people chosen by God for God, created by Him and perfected by Him for His glory.  If the spiritual house is to be strong then it must be “poor in spirit”, for this poverty of spirit is the equivalent of the foundation of the house.  To be poor in spirit is to be truly humble, acknowledging our nothingness and God’s omnipotence and infinite love and trusting in Him.

The spiritual house cannot be built up until the soul offers itself to God recognizing it’s total reliance on God’s grace to prosper.  We must empty ourselves of our vanity and self-confidence and understand how utterly impotent we are without God’s grace.  We must understand God’s desire to live in us, nourishing us and forming us into the people He desires.

I didn’t understand this ten years ago.  It’s only in the last ten years that God has reached out to me to help me to understand how much He loves me and wants me to trust in Him.  I remember I used to look up into the sky wondering “Where is God?”  Was He hiding under a cloud?  Was He behind the majestic blue sky?  I looked forward to meeting Jesus, but I did not understand that God was living in His people on earth, working and creating His kingdom one good deed at a time.

One day I heard God say to me as I struggled to get out of bed fighting fatigue, “Woman you can’t even get out of bed without me.”  I was stunned!  Jesus had been instructing me to “Trust in Him” but I didn’t understand that I was totally useless. I didn’t understand that  God wanted to be with me 24X7, in every little moment.  I had this idea of a distant God.  I thought that I would meet Him when I died, but to my shock He was introducing Himself to me and I was still alive.  I found myself pinching myself wondering have I died?  Have I gone crazy?  Did God just say I can’t do anything without Him?  What’s going on, I wondered.

I didn’t realize that anything I had (e.g., my talents) were gifts that God had bestowed upon me and these gifts were all supposed to be giving Him glory.  I came face-to-face with my ego and realized it was in the way.  It was a “false ego” making me believe in lies.  I would no longer believe in my self-sufficiency.  I understood God was telling me that He could fill me with His love, but He couldn’t do this until I emptied myself of a self-esteem that was rooted in falsehood.

The truth is that all of us need God.  If we have talents, and we all have some, they have been bestowed upon us for a reason.  I began to grieve my sins and I learned that my broken and contrite heart was also a gift of grace.  I had been given the privilege to understand some great important truths about the fragility and foolishness of man and the omnipotence and wisdom of God.  I knew I had to share what was happening.

I began to prepare room in my heart for God by removing the idols that were taking up room.  I would stop measuring my personal worth by my income or title.  I would stop longing for power and influence and a higher place on the career ladder.  I realized there was a new ladder I needed to be climbing and this ladder was the ladder to heaven, but I couldn’t climb this ladder without God’s help and God’s grace.

Once I began to understand some of these things I remember having a conversation with a friend who was arguing that the Mass needed to be changed to allow us to kneel at certain parts rather than stand.  We then began speaking about the “posture of the heart”.  If kneeling versus standing or sitting puts the heart in a more humble and receptive place for God then perhaps it’s significant, but if it doesn’t then maybe it doesn’t matter to God because God’s house is our heart.

God has helped me to start a new life.  The beginning of the journey was difficult because I had to realize that I was on the wrong path focusing on the wrong things.  Jesus has helped me to understand that to truly become His – a house fully dedicated to God, we must let Him in.  We must give Him time.  We must trust in Him and realize that without Him we can’t accomplish anything worthwhile.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”  John 15:5

Emptying ourselves of self-confidence makes room for us to have total confidence in God.  I love You Jesus!  Thank You for reaching out to me.  Thank You for teaching me so many important things.  Live in me Holy One.  I love You; I trust You and I want to do Your will!  Thy will be done my Sweet Saviour.  Reign in my heart for my heart is all Yours!  Please forgive me for too many sins and too much lost time.