There was a turning point in my life when I felt I needed to refocus my talents and energies on different work.  I had been working for over 20 years in the world of business and I wanted to make a contribution to the not-for-profit sector.  Like most people I tried to apply for jobs while I continued to work.  Once I even took 4 days off to jet off to an interview half way around the world.  I had made it to the final selection process and a prepaid ticket was provided so I could do the final interview in Rome.  Forty days after the final interview, I was informed that while I had made a favourable impression they had chosen a candidate they felt was better qualified.

I decided then to quit my job to pursue a new career path.   With a little nest egg of savings and a husband willing to support me I left the world of big business.  I applied to so many jobs and after having a career full of praise and recognition, I ventured down a path called “REJECTION!”.   I didn’t find the “dream job” I was pursuing, but what I found is so much bigger than what I dreamed about…I found out what happens on the path called DENIAL.

God created the circumstances for me to do something I had never done before….become silent.  At first I hated it.   I was surrounded by this ominous silence in my house as I kept receiving letters of rejection and I was unhappy. I wondered “What have I done?  I gave up a really good salary, fully willing to take a pay cut…but now I had no pay at all!” I had left the business world to try to enter the not-for-profit world, but every door I knocked on was unavailable to me. Do you ever wonder what it must have been like for Jesus to be rejected by His people?  Well I am not Jesus, but I now know what it’s like to be rejected over and over again.

Jesus says, “Be still and know that I am God.”  Psalm 46:10  And ultimately that’s what happened…I became still and I realized I was not alone.  I was with Jesus.  I felt like He wanted to teach me things that I did not know and slowly and patiently, He did just that.  He taught me that “love is a choice”…a choice to honour Him.  He taught me to pray, not just with words but with holy desire and with charitable deeds.

God had created the conditions whereby my senses could be denied.  I embraced the silence at first most reluctantly and then I began to consider that God was taking me out of the world for a reason.  I heard Him calling and I thought He wanted me to find a different job and ultimately I recognized that my new job would be to please Him.  That would be my mission to make Jesus smile.

I came to understand why Jesus says deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow me.  It wasn’t until I stopped long enough to deny my own plans and my own selfish desires that I found my Saviour waiting for me.  I found the “kingdom of heaven” and it wasn’t a location in the world; it was just as Jesus taught…it was within me; it was God living inside my searching soul.

I then ventured into the not-for-profit world not as a paid employee but as a volunteer and I tried many different things and ultimately I found my place in the Church.  For the last 9 years I have been teaching little children about Jesus and about how much He loves them as I prepare them for the First Sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist.

During the day I live mostly in silence and I feel the presence of Jesus in my heart and in my life and on the path called denial I found the meaning of my life…My suffering however small in the great scheme of the things could be added to the suffering of Our Lord for the atonement of sins.  This is the path of redemption; it is the path of salvation.  It is the path where an ambitious business woman lost her worldly ambition and discovered the peace that only Christ gives.  On this path I found my Holy Jesus.  He had waited so long to talk to me.  I was so thirsty for His love, for His teachings, for His great consolation.  And on the path called denial I found fulfillment.  As my senses were denied, in the quiet of the silence, I began to hear God’s voice whispering in my heart:  “You are mine.”

I don’t believe we can truly find God until we allow His Word to be fulfilled.  “Be still and know that I am God.”  Psalm 46:10